For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Here is Gail and her dad. Looks like Gail has some kind of project in mind.
It was one of those days I will try to forget. I felt that I failed at most of what I did. I went to the party that Al/Deb were so nice to host and I just could not get into much there. I held myself together for about 3 hours but then I just could not keep a happy face. I came home and just needed to be alone for some time. For me at this time the gathering was so so empty without Gail. There was joy with many little kids around etc. but I felt that I just fell flat on my face. Each time that happens I hope and pray that it will be the last---maybe this time. Gail has been on my mind all day and I just am so lonesome but I am sure this too will pass.
It remained cold all day. The high may have been 0 or so. I walked about a mile to the library this morning and when I returned home at 10:30 it was still -5.
With New Years I am all mixed up with my days. Must remember that tomorrow is Sunday. With that in mind I will probably put off putting Christmas stuff away until Monday. I have nothing planned tomorrow and I think I will keep it that way. Maybe I need a nothing day to help me gather my thoughts, reflect a bit and then maybe I can move on some.
I don't have much to get ready for but I will be out of town Friday, Sat and Sunday. This tells my age but being on the road for about 400 miles each way I do hope the temps improve a bit.
It feels kind of funny to not have any celebrations for a couple of months now. In November and December there are holidays and many birthdays but there is now a break but of course that baby should come in 2-4 weeks so that will be exciting. That will be the first grandchild that Gail will not have known at all. She certainly knew Audrey and Faustina but not the way they are now. I will probably say this hundreds of times but each time I see the kids I have to think of how Gail would have loved to see them grow and they would have benefited so much but God must have something else in mind. With 4 boys and 3 girls things will be almost even. I will have to memorize those birthdates etc. I have the 6 down but as I get older and more come I am not sure. Maybe I will have to use a cheat sheet!!
I had better not forget as I promised to meet Dave O at seven so I best be going soon. When I get home it will be a hot tub and then to bed.

1 comment:

Unknown said...: Hello Carmen,
You were wonderful here! It comforted us all that you were with us, even though I know it was hard for you. Thank you, Debbie; January 2, 2010 at 10:11 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Saturday, January 2, 2010

1 comment:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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