Saturday, January 2, 2010

Here is Gail and her dad.  Looks like Gail has some kind of project in mind.
It was one of those days I will try to forget.  I felt that I failed at most of what I did.  I went to the party that Al/Deb were so nice to host and I just could not get into much there.  I held myself together for about 3 hours but then I just could not keep a happy face.  I came home and just needed to be alone for some time.  For me at this time the gathering was so so empty without Gail.  There was joy with many little kids around etc. but I felt that I just fell flat on my face.  Each time that happens I hope and pray that it will be the last---maybe this time.  Gail has been on my mind all day and I just am so lonesome but I am sure this too will pass. 
It remained cold all day.  The high may have been 0 or so.  I walked about a mile to the library this morning and when I returned home at 10:30 it was still -5. 
With New Years I am all mixed up with my days.  Must remember that tomorrow is Sunday.  With that in mind I will probably put off putting Christmas stuff away until Monday.  I have nothing planned tomorrow and I think I will keep it that way.  Maybe I need a nothing day to help me gather my thoughts, reflect a bit and then maybe I can move on some. 
I don't have much to get ready for but I will be out of town Friday, Sat and Sunday.  This tells my age but being on the road for about 400 miles each way I do hope the temps improve a bit. 
It feels kind of funny to not have any celebrations for a couple of months now.  In November and December there are holidays and many birthdays but there is now a break but of course that baby should come in 2-4 weeks so that will be exciting.  That will be the first grandchild that Gail will not have known at all.  She certainly knew Audrey and Faustina but not the way they are now.  I will probably say this hundreds of times but each time I see the kids I have to think of how Gail would have loved to see them grow and they would have benefited so much but God must have something else in mind.  With 4 boys and 3 girls things will be almost even.  I will have to memorize those birthdates etc.  I have the 6 down but as I get older and more come I am not sure.  Maybe I will have to use a cheat sheet!!
I had better not forget as I promised to meet Dave O at seven so I best be going soon.  When I get home it will be a hot tub and then to bed.

1 comment:

Allen said...

Hello Carmen,
You were wonderful here! It comforted us all that you were with us, even though I know it was hard for you. Thank you, Debbie