For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Monday, January 4, 2010

This picture was taken January 3 as grandpa tried to give Teddy a big hug but Jude and Faustina got in the way!!!
Here I sit on Monday about 10:45 AM. I am feeling sadness being alone but I also feel like there is a bit of fresh air, not the cold outside! The temp as already climbed up to +1 today. I have spent some time this morning looking back at the last 2 months. To list some of the things: Audrey birthday, Cyn birthday, Travis birthday, Thanksgiving, John birthday, Christmas, Gail birthday, New Years, Saunders gathering. Perhaps it should not have been the case but in reality those were heavy on my mind and heart as they came and went. Walking through those family events, trying to put on a happy front and trying to be the dad and grandpa that I want and need to be--it was wearing. But, those are now listed in my archives as history to be remembered but the desire to move on, to be in a new place in a new time is in my heart. I feel that I can now look ahead. Look at what I need to do, what I should focus on and perhaps, just perhaps, those darn tears will come less often, that aching heart may not be so painful, the memories that are so vivid maybe will have somewhat of a happy spirit to them. I wish with all my being that 2009 was only a dream but it was not. It was real, I walked through it, it changed my life and I think it is now time to move at least one step forward and maybe two. If I can move forward like that maybe in a short time I will be walking into God's plan and purpose for me this year. I think, I hope, I expect that 2010 will be very different, very alive and very interesting. I hope and I plan not to focus on bad sleep, bad dreams, sad memories but instead to be postive, be focused on the good ahead. I am so excited to be a new grandpa soon and to meet challenges and needs head on this year. Come Lord in all your majestic love and grace to change me and make me more useful to building your kingdom here on earth. Help me to take what Gail so lovingly gave me and make that into useable energy for you.

2 comments:

Connie said...: You did a great job with Christmas and New Years!! Congratulations. God is good, faithful, and merciful ALL the time.; January 4, 2010 at 1:19 PM
Anonymous said...: What a great picture! We know who loves Grandpa and probably has him wrapped around their tiny fingers already. How very blessed you are.

Love, Helen; January 5, 2010 at 12:24 AM

Post a Comment

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Monday, January 4, 2010

2 comments:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

Our Story

Followers

About Me