Friday, January 22, 2010
It seems like the walks and side streets may be a bit icy this morning.
As I was laying in bed last night I was thinking a lot. Sleep really was not too near and I thought and thought about why someone would miss their spouse so much. We all know that in a marriage there is the serving, the emotional bond, the expressions of love, the physical love and the life together but there just seemed like I was missing a word or phrase that would give more meaning to my lonesomeness. After a long time I came up with PURPOSE. Much of my purpose in life revolved around Gail. I lost my purpose. I went to work so I could provide for her, everytime I would go home I would call to see if she needed something. If she needed something at the store I was there in a second, I was concerned about her health, I wanted her to be happy and for sure the list goes on. That is it for me, PURPOSE. I am not putting Gail above God as I do live for him but really much of my purpose in life was to make sure Gail had everything she needed to be happy and be able to do what she needed to do. I think that is it, I miss having a purpose in life right now. I am sure that my motives were not always 100% pure!! Sure Gail did so much for me and I know that. Just yesterday, as I was making chicken pot pies, I was thinking that never again will I enjoy Gail's cooking. She was such a wonderful cook and I think anyone who ever came to our house for a meal knew they would be in for a real treat. Even any sandwiches she made were super. Never will I enjoy that again. Now it is me and my cooking skills are so limited my menu of meals that I am good at must be at about 3 now and I can't find one of them. I know that many many things are more important than food but wonderful food certainly enhances many social gatherings and it makes life more enjoyable!!
Well, now I need to think more about purpose and how I can replace the "Gail purpose" with something else. Perhaps woodworking or serving more or I don't know yet.