For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: January 2

Saturday, January 2, 2010

January 2

Here is Gail in Oakland CA on her second birthday.
We are now into 2010 and I have found that I have new ways to see if my day is starting out well. Some of those ways are:

Are the dishes washed??
Is there clean underwear in my dresser??
Is the floor vaccumed??
Is the dog poop picked up??
Are the clothes washed??

Isn't it funny how things change. A year ago some of those things would have read:

Did we go for a walk??
Will we do anything together??
Do we need to do anything around the house??
Do I need to get anything for Gail

As you noticed last year everything was centered around "we" and today things are centered around things.
I do need to wash some dishes and then cut up some veggies that I will bring to Al/Debs. I will meet David O this evening for a beer after the party. We will meet at the Dubliner which I have never been to.
I called grandma S yesterday but she is feeling under the weather and could hardly talk. I could not understand her so will try to call her in a few days.
I think that tomorrow most of the Christmas things will be packed up and put away. Gail and I always left them up for most of January but this year I am ready to move on into the new year and leave Christmas to the memories.
As I sit here this morning the outside temp reads -13.5. A bit chilly I would say. I do want to go for a walk before I leave for the party but I will see. I know that Gail would be ready to bundle up and take off...... I may put on my poly underwear after dishes and pretend Gail is at my side as I walk up to the village and back.
I am unbelievable as I can make a mess in the house faster than anybody in the world I think. I wonder if there is a way to record that on any kind of record? It seems that for every project I try to undertake there is at least equal time in clean up. I finished my calendar yesterday and now I have paper, pictures, cutters, frames and you name it and it is laying around the house. Maybe I can pick up some things before I leave.
Before I sign off I could mention that I miss Gail but I think I say that everyday and by now the whole world probably knows it. Nothing new there I guess. Actually the whole world does not know it. I have found that I have so so much support, so much love is given to me but in the end losing a loved one is much about a person going through sadness and loneliness alone. I don't mean alone in the sense of physical but I mean that in one's heart. I have come to really appreciate the "heart connection" that two people establish and feed off of in the couple relationship. It has to be something that a person experiences to understand.

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Saturday, January 2, 2010

January 2

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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