Saturday, January 2, 2010

January 2

Here is Gail in Oakland CA on her second birthday.
We are now into 2010 and I have found that I have new ways to see if my day is starting out well.  Some of those ways are:
  • Are the dishes washed??
  • Is there clean underwear in my dresser??
  • Is the floor vaccumed??
  • Is the dog poop picked up??
  • Are the clothes washed??
Isn't it funny how things change.  A year ago some of those things would have read:
  • Did we go for a walk??
  • Will we do anything together??
  • Do we need to do anything around the house??
  • Do I need to get anything for Gail
As you noticed last year everything was centered around "we" and today things are centered around things.
I do need to wash some dishes and then cut up some veggies that I will bring to Al/Debs.  I will meet David O this evening for a beer after the party.  We will meet at the Dubliner which I have never been to. 
I called grandma S yesterday but she is feeling under the weather and could hardly talk.  I could not understand her so will try to call her in a few days. 
I think that tomorrow most of the Christmas things will be packed up and put away.  Gail and I always left them up for most of January but this year I am ready to move on into the new year and leave Christmas to the memories. 
As I sit here this morning the outside temp reads -13.5.  A bit chilly I would say.  I do want to go for a walk before I leave for the party but I will see.  I know that Gail would be ready to bundle up and take off......   I may put on my poly underwear after dishes and pretend Gail is at my side as I walk up to the village and back. 
I am unbelievable as I can make a mess in the house faster than anybody in the world I think.  I wonder if there is a way to record that on any kind of record?  It seems that for every project I try to undertake there is at least equal time in clean up.  I finished my calendar yesterday and now I have paper, pictures, cutters, frames and you name it and it is laying around the house.  Maybe I can pick up some things before I leave.
Before I sign off I could mention that I miss Gail but I think I say that everyday and by now the whole world probably knows it.  Nothing new there I guess.  Actually the whole world does not know it.  I have found that I have so so much support, so much love is given to me but in the end losing a loved one is much about a person going through sadness and loneliness alone.  I don't mean alone in the sense of physical but I mean that in one's heart.  I have come to really appreciate the "heart connection" that two people establish and feed off of in the couple relationship.  It has to be something that a person experiences to understand.

No comments: