Sunday, March 7, 2010

I missed a few

I don't know of a good way to put several pictures on but there they are.  I missed Jude as he was sleeping when I took these this morning.  Travis was not here and of course we missed Aaron, Amy, Leo and Ruby Gail but we will get them in 2 weeks.  I have not seen Henry with that kind of expression ever.  That Faustina loves her 3 cousins but she is always talking about Henry.
I seems that I am in a bit of a rut.  I can't really get out of my Gail mind, I can't really get into the Carmen mind and I just am in netural but then someone told me today that is much better than being in reverse!!  I did get my walk in today so that was good.
I think that I have gotten myself into a thinking process of way too much "me".  I think I need to just stop thinking so much about how much I miss Gail and try to focus more on what to do and how to do things.  I know that I CAN'T forget about Gail and I never will but I mean I can't just sit too much and remember.  It is almost like I think I feel sick---no I AM sick.  Maybe I thought I was ready for more "thinking" time and really I am not.  I would have to admit and this may scare you but if some woman, any woman, would have rang the door bell last night I may have grabbed her and hugged her so tight she would have called 911.  Now I am not starved for women but just that warm human embrace.  That said I hope nobody decides to not come over because they are afraid!!!  Of course I would never give anyone a 911 hug but......  The more I think of it the more I know that it just is coming to grips with reality that says Gail is not here and never will be again.  To know that, to feel that, to experience it after 6 months is different than experiencing it a short time after she left.  She may be smiling at me now saying just cool it Carmen and get out in your wood shop.
Enough for now. I know that in my mind this week will be the fact that Gail left us 6 months from next Sunday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yes, you'd scare the hell out of even me if I walked up to your door and you gave the 911 hug! But then I'd get over it and realize it was just what it was and probably hug right back!