For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: I missed a few

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I missed a few

I don't know of a good way to put several pictures on but there they are. I missed Jude as he was sleeping when I took these this morning. Travis was not here and of course we missed Aaron, Amy, Leo and Ruby Gail but we will get them in 2 weeks. I have not seen Henry with that kind of expression ever. That Faustina loves her 3 cousins but she is always talking about Henry.
I seems that I am in a bit of a rut. I can't really get out of my Gail mind, I can't really get into the Carmen mind and I just am in netural but then someone told me today that is much better than being in reverse!! I did get my walk in today so that was good.
I think that I have gotten myself into a thinking process of way too much "me". I think I need to just stop thinking so much about how much I miss Gail and try to focus more on what to do and how to do things. I know that I CAN'T forget about Gail and I never will but I mean I can't just sit too much and remember. It is almost like I think I feel sick---no I AM sick. Maybe I thought I was ready for more "thinking" time and really I am not. I would have to admit and this may scare you but if some woman, any woman, would have rang the door bell last night I may have grabbed her and hugged her so tight she would have called 911. Now I am not starved for women but just that warm human embrace. That said I hope nobody decides to not come over because they are afraid!!! Of course I would never give anyone a 911 hug but...... The more I think of it the more I know that it just is coming to grips with reality that says Gail is not here and never will be again. To know that, to feel that, to experience it after 6 months is different than experiencing it a short time after she left. She may be smiling at me now saying just cool it Carmen and get out in your wood shop.
Enough for now. I know that in my mind this week will be the fact that Gail left us 6 months from next Sunday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Yes, you'd scare the hell out of even me if I walked up to your door and you gave the 911 hug! But then I'd get over it and realize it was just what it was and probably hug right back!
Helen; March 8, 2010 at 12:05 AM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I missed a few

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

Our Story

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