For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Tis better than Baileys

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tis better than Baileys

I spent much of the day in the shop. The smell, the dust, the noise and all of it actually is better tonic than a glass of Baileys!!! I am close to being finished with the toy containers for Cyn/Mike. It will then be on to Liam's bd present and then to Will's. Above are the 2 styles of cribs I have made thus far. On the right is the first one and it went to John/Marys. On the left is the one that went to Aaron/Amy and to Cyn/Mike.
The blessing has been that I have been able to put the absence of Gail out of my mind some of the time. I had to go to Home Depot for some screws and I found myself singing all the way there.
I am in the lump stage now!!! That means that tears come less often but instead I get that lump in my throat. I find that I do go from lump to song to lump to song. How goofy is that?? But--it is the way I am so I guess I need to embrace it and try to move on to what ever comes next. I did have one of those lingering thoughts on my way home today. I found myself shaking my head and thinking, is this real? Is this really life from now on? I felt the cell phone in my pocket and thought about how I would always call when I was on my way home to see if Gail needed anything. Then I thought she needs NOTHING now but I do, I need her but....
Paul W is coming over tonight with some of his homemade brew. I will provide the Papa Murphy's pizza and he the brew. Sounds like a good deal for all.
I have to learn to watch what I say. I have this habit of thinking anyone I talk to or e-mail knows me and where I am coming from which of course is not true. I have been exchanging some e-mails with a high school friend and I made more than one reference to what I intended as a joke but of course it did not come away like that. She was so upset and rightly so. I just felt so so badly it kind of ruined my day but I guess I need to learn to communicate better and more carefully. Sometimes I just think I should become a recluse but then maybe that is not the answer. I guess I could try to change for the better, I will try.
I need to get the saw dust out of my clothes, off of my body and out of my hair before Paul arrives.

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tis better than Baileys

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

Our Story

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