Saturday, March 27, 2010
The transition is slow and painful
Every once in a while I do something more to change things from LWG to LAG (life with Gail and life after Gail) and this morning I did some little things. As I was working in the kitchen I moved some glasses that I have not used in the last many months to a place that is out of the way and then I had more room for the things I use often. It sounds like a tiny thing but each time I do that I am reminded of many things.
I slowly got out of bed at 5:00 AM to get breakfast ready by 7:00 this morning. The strata dish and pancakes were very good and it seemed like everyone enjoyed the eats and treats. Mark L helped with dishes afterward so I don't even have to clean up!!! How nice is that.
I need to get a walk in and then get out to the shop but I needed to sit and relax for a bit after everyone left. As I sat in the rocker that Gail gave me for my birthday one year, I thought to myself, weekends are different. They are different than the weekdays. For 38 years of work it seems like I worked Monday-Friday and always looked forward to the weekend. It was more time with Gail, time to work together, time to go some place and just a different time than the weekdays. Well as I sat in the rocker this AM thinking about that the absence of Gail seemed to hang like hazy in the morning of a hot summer day. The walls seemed to be closer to me, the rocker seemed to move in slow motion and the tears seemed to be extra hot, extra moist and extra long in reaching my chin. What I really wanted to do was reach out to catch Gail's hand and twirl her around the room but I knew if I reached out from my slow motion rocker I would only catch the emptiness of her absence. So I just sat and stared out the window for a time and asked myself what if??? I really asked God what if there were no weekends and he said EVERYONE needs weekends and I said I don't and he said yes you do, just look for the weekend rainbows and you will know how much you need them. Well I believe but I don't see at this time. I said I can't see the rainbow through the hazy and he said the hazy will lift in time and the rainbow will be bright and beautiful again. So I believe for another day.
After my walk it will be onto Liam's bd present!! I don't know, that Liam is so so funny. His birthday is Friday, April 2 and his aunt and uncle with their large family will be in town for Easter. Liam must be expecting to have a party on his birthday but he told me yesterday that he didn't think there would be room for me at his party!!!! Kids are so darn funny the world would be so dull if it was full of adults.
Got to get to that walk.