Saturday, March 20, 2010


I don't really know why I am signing on again.  When I went up to the store the thought of "journey" came into my head and I just can not get it out.   I was thinking how life IS a journey, it is not a honeymoon, it is not a vacation, it is not a mission, it is not a movie but it is a journey---One that we all must walk even if we don't like it.  We often have no choice but to take detours, there are often steep hills to climb, there are often dark places we must visit, there are sometimes bright sunny skies that we never want to leave behind, sometimes we meet people who we do not like, sometimes we meet people who we fall in love with but must leave, sometimes each step feels like a thousand and sometimes a thousand steps seem like one.  AND when our journey ends, like Gail in September, we will stand before our maker, our creaters and will answer.  The questions will be something like these:
  • Did you give life your all
  • Did you love the Lord your God
  • Did you smile at the sad and help the poor
  • Did you expect to serve and not be served
  • Did you help those who could not help back
  • Did you love those who could not love back
  • Did you walk the extra mile
  • Did you forgive and forget
In my journey now I feel like I am walking in darkness.  My family is so great but yet my current walk is one of living in the absence of Gail.   Each day I feel like there is a wall to climb.  On that wall are emotions, memories, loneliness, tears, questions, helplessness, fatigue, emptiness and sorrow.  I don't feel that I am really sad or angry but really my journey is one that I and only I can walk.  After all Jesus died on the cross and he was alone.  Now I am not equating myself to any holy person but rather looking at Jesus as an example in how I or anyone must walk the journey.  I know that in time my journey will be beyond that wall in many ways and then there will be more sunshine, more comfort and more joy.  I have joy now but it is only in knowing that I am on the right path, I am going in the right direction and in the end my journey will be life everlasting with the Lord and with loved ones in my life like my beloved Gail.  So for now I am happy, not in the sense of emotion but in the sense of doing what is right. 
Like I said I don't know why I signed on but I am in a better place now then a while ago today.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I like your journey perspective Carmen! Thanks for sharing that.