Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I hope

It may be pie in the sky but this picture was taken March 8 five years ago.  I hope we don't see that again this year.  I know that March normally has 10 inches of snow butttt one can hope.
What I am going to share next actually sounds a bit sappy, if that is a word I don't know but it somehow explains what I felt.  I went on a 3 mile walk this morning and as I walked north towards the University of St. Thomas the sun was shining on my back.  It felt as if God had his hand on my shoulder.  It was so warm, so comforting I felt like walking forever.  As I then walked towards the river and headed back I could almost feel and hear God at my side.  Like I said a bit sappy maybe!!!  Any how I so enjoyed the hour walk.  When I am able to do that I don't take a radio or anything I just simply walk, listen and think.  It seemed to me that today as I walked God was saying I need time.  I need to heal, I need to relax and I need to just be me for a few months.  It seems that the "absence of Gail" will linger for a time.  It never will cease but it will hang in the air, heavy like a cloud for some time yet.  I am amazed at my emotions.  As I drove to the store today I was singing one minute and the next I had tears.  I was happy for a while and then I just was so sad.  I may have said this before but I am not sad for Gail, I am not said to be alone it is just the "absence" that hangs so heavy at times and knowing that so many of the plans, so many of the dreams we had of living together into old age will never come to pass.  Of course I accept that, I can live with that but for now it makes me sad at times.  There are times I just sit and think what will I be doing in a year, in two years, in five years.  Maybe that is some of that ability to "dream" coming back that I totally lost when Gail died.  We will see but for now I need to live life one day at a time.
I will go have soup with Cynthia tonight and then to a men's night at Jim's. Maybe I should get some work done now!!!


Anonymous said...

We grew up with that word. I remember from way back dad's story about the boy who was so excited, his girl friend called him sugar. Then he found out that sugar was dried sap.
I don't think your experience was sappy. God does go with us and sometimes He makes Himself known more than before. What you describe sounds like God wanted you to know He is close giving you comfort and wisdom. He is that kind of God.

Anonymous said...

Dad must have told you boys more stories than us girls! I don't remember anything like that but I like it and how it applies. I do remember the use of the word "sappy" from Dad. It's a much better word than some I hear used today. You're not sappy and I totally agree with Dave.